Efficient Dynamics

This one is specific. BMW has just launched a new ad campaign that revolves around the slogan “Efficient Dynamics“.

What a meaningless, sophomoric, puerile, dogshit horseshit whaleshit idea for selling cars. This is clearly the work of a whole committee of adfucks because no single semi-educated human person with half a moral compass could be so careless and idiotic to open the cage to release this merciless crap into the universe.

I assume they’re using the term “Dynamics” to describe the cars’ powertrains. So really what they’re saying is “Efficient Powertrains”. Well why didn’t you horsefucking cockfuckers say that??? Did you really think the word DYNAMIC was so DYNAMIC that we wouldn’t notice???

“I’m a stupid asshole American who can’t read and thinks Africa is a country, and I don’t know what ‘dynamic’ means but Germans are smart so they must know more than me and WOW! The car is so dynamic!!! And efficient, too!!! Now I’m gonna go drink Red Bull with vodka and beat my kids! U-S-A! U-S-A!!!”

FUCK YOU

Fuck you, BMW. And fuck you, Germany, for allowing one of your greatest exported brands to be besmirched by some Madison-Avenue cockwads. No wait, they don’t even deserve to be called cockwads. They are COCKHOLES.

You know what would have been a better ad campaign, BMW? “Car good.” At least if you’re going to pander to our ignorance you can do it openly.

BMW…Car good….Me drive fast…Me get 29 mpg highway, 23 city.

And don’t even get me started on the byline: “A milestone for the future.” THAT’S NOT EVEN A THING!!!

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