“Irony” has been a word I hated for a long time, but it’s almost TOO BIG now to blog about. The problems with this word are almost too egregious and too numerous to do justice to it. Nonetheless, it screams out for an entry here, if only to put me on record as anti-irony.
Certainly, we are all aware, even those among us us who still call things “ironic”, and those knuckle-dragging troglodytes who think they are using “irony” ironically, that this word has been abused and abused and abused like I abused my grandmother. (Relax, it was the 90′s…it’s what everybody did in the 90′s–abuse their grandparents. I know that doesn’t make it right but it FELT right.) It isn’t even worth explaining the definition of the word here because it is clear that this word is nearly devoid of meaning–when people can use it to simply describe something bad, or merely interesting, that happened. Perhaps it needs to be totally stricken from our lexicon. There is no use trying to fix a word that is totaled.
So my question then becomes, what do we need to do to remove a word from public usage? We can stop using it ourselves, of course, and encourage others to do the same. And when someone around us, say an acquaintance or close relative uses this word, we can ignore them, or hit them, or stab them in the penis or vagina with a piece of glass. If they are a talking dog, we can stab them in the dog penis or dog vagina. Parrots should be thrown into the sea and chimpanzees who can sign “irony” should be fired out of a cannon, also into the sea, but a different sea from the parrots because we wouldn’t want them procreating and creating an underwater master race of parronkeymen and parronkeymaids who take over the world and put us in cages. Because that would be ironic!