Words I Hate

I have posted these together because they both suffer the same problem: poets love them. And not just hack poets, either. Respectable, even professional poets spew “velveteen” like it was “gossamer”. I have no idea what the poetic obsession with these words are. Velvet is a fabric. At one point, it was a beautiful, luxurious, expensive fabric. But now that it can be produced by machine, using synthetic materials, and that it can be PAINTED ON, it’s just shit like everything else. If you own anything made of velvet that wasn’t created before, say, the Spanish Civil War, you may find wiping your baby’s ass is a better use for it.

And “velveteen”? That’s also a fabric…an IMITATION of velvet! Isn’t the world already burdened with a enough SUCK?

Yet poets hang on to these words as if they still have any relevance or beauty.

At least we can take consolation in the fact that “velvet” and “veleveteen” are strikingly similar to “Velveeta”. So every time you read a poem that uses the words “velvet” or “velveteen”, say “Velveeta” instead, and give the poet what he/she deserves. Imitation CHEESE.