It Begs the Question

Look, I’m not one of these cockholes who feels compelled to constantly point out your mistalkage of wordisms, such as how you ignorantly say “it’s not my for-TAY” instead of the proper pronunciation “it’s not my FORT”. (That’s not a joke, by the way. “Forte” should be pronounced like “fort”. It’s Old French, not Italian. Duh.)

And when you say “PIN number” or “ATM machine”, I don’t kidnap your children and drown them in a pond, even though it would stop your stupid offspring infecting everyone in the world with their hepatitis because they couldn’t figure out how to open a condom wrapper.

Even when I’m working, I will not tell a customer that it isn’t actually pronounced “expresso”. No reason to embarrass them in front of their slightly too-hot-but-not-really girlfriend. She’s probably the best they’ll ever do without Rohypnol, so cut the poor dildo some slack.

But the thing is, everybody uses “begs the question” wrong and I am bothered because they’ve ruined a great expression. Sure, language evolves and sometimes that’s okay. The reason I hate this evolution is that it isn’t evolution, it’s devolution. “Begging the question” is, in the words of Wikipedia:

a type of logical fallacy in which the proposition to be proven is assumed implicitly or explicitly in the premise

Now, I know that’s hard to understand. You’ve had four hours of Glee on your Tivo and a half gallon of Crane Lake and your mind is down to three working brain cells which keep firing the same four bars of R Kelly’s “Pregnant” at you. (When you come down with Alzheimer’s all that will be left is those three cells and you will pray every day for God to kill you.)

To help you out, here is a completely factual statement that uses the fallacy of begging the question:

The reason Creed is a great band is because they make great music and they’re great performers and they play their own instruments, unlike Pearl Jam.

And here is another, just for the ladies:

My genital warts aren’t contagious because you can’t get them from me.

And one for the billionaires:

The Gulfstream V is totally gay because when you fly in it you turn into a homosexual and anally penetrate another man almost immediately.

See how I “proved” my point by restating the premise? That’s begging the question. People do it all the time, important people. Even Carl Gustaf Folke Hubertus, King of Sweden, and Duke of J√§mtland, sometimes. And once upon a time, if you caught an asshole king doing it, you could say “that’s begging the question”, and he’d have your hands cut off.

But instead of this fancy, useful, and dickish expression, we get “begs the question” which now means, in effect, “asks the question”. It’s a waste. And now, I hate it. And I hate you and your

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children for ruining it.

Fuck you and fuck your fat fucking children.

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  1. From Straying the Course: My Struggle with Vocal Assimilation « Americana Overload on 19 Jun 2011 at 6:45 pm

    [...] other auditory offenders like epic, literally, super (as a prefix/intensifer and adjective), yummy, begs the question, plethora, my heart goes out to, kudos, wooo!, and Vegas, Baby! (Ed. Note: I actually don’t [...]

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