I can’t believe “smoothie” is something you put in your mouth. With all due respect to the delicious diblend s+m, which gives us such wonderful words as “smut” and”smooch” and “smooooth jazz” (as well as BDSM), we can’t forget that from this diblend is also derived the word “smegma”. Call me weird, but I wouldn’t want to drink a pitcher full of smegma blended with yogurt and strawberries, even if they were fresh strawberries and the smegma came from my own father, so why would I want anything even vaguely resembling it in my body? I would, however, kiss it, which is why I still like “smooch”.
If you were to visit a foreign country where English was spoken as the first and only true language, perhaps South Africa, or I don’t know…Greenland, and visited a cafe where they served “smoothies” you would never order it because you would assume it was full of walrus testicles and people — because that’s the kind of shit they eat in countries other than America, where we only eat normal things, like cows. When you have thick clumpy diarrhea from eating too many walrus testicles, you’re “having a smoothie”. It’s code for “DON’T EAT THIS IT WILL GIVE YOU THE SMOOTHIES”.
Eat some actual fruit, idiot. Whey protein isn’t a real thing — I checked — and nobody would eat all those bananas anyway. The rest is just ice and sugar. And also you’re ugly.
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