I work days in a nice quiet office. One of the favorite expressions used in any meeting is “going forward”, because it makes you sound more business-y. If you’ve never heard this expression, get ready to shield your keyboard from the barfspray. “Going forward” is used to indicate action that is to be taken in the future, starting from the present moment. It is like saying “will”, as in “I will, she will, we will”, but with additional authority. It is completely redundant and accomplishes nothing except making dumb people think they’re being more dynamic and intelligent because they’re using more words in a single sentence.
So instead of saying
We would like you to sort your submissions by account number.
We would like you to sort your submissions by account number from now on.
Going forward, we would like you to sort your submissions by account number.
We would like you to sort your submissions by account number going forward.
What makes it horrendously awful is not just its stupid redundancy, but also that it implies that we can also go backward in time. Of course, we can only ever go forward in time, so it makes the person saying this twice as stupid as they’ve ever been. Which is really freaking stupid!
Worst of all, this expression is contagious. It’s like “like” for adults, and I’ve heard it so many times that even I find myself saying it. When you see everyone else using it and having such a good time, you can’t help but try it a few times. Like crystal meth. And choir boy molestation.
The only way to kill “going forward” is to use it at inappropriate times so everyone realizes how idiotic it sounds. For example:
If you don’t shut your damn mouth going forward, I might have to shut it for you going forward!
I bought a used van last week. Going forward, it runs great, but going backward, it stalls. So, going forward, I plan to always test drive my vans both going forward and going backward. That way, going forward, I won’t have these problems going backward.
We had our second child together last month. The last kid turned out so badly that, going forward, we plan to beat the new kid a lot more.