Guys. Here’s the deal. I’m going to pretend for a moment that this was ever funny. hahahahahahahah hahahahaha haha HAHAHA HA! HA! HA! HAAAAAAAAAAtvgdou.k 8rda,/07day-fu, K-lgb9U<>_Lg9<UK#_,PYKF,y;4kf8b-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There. I laughed. I think it’s the funniest thing since sliced cat turds on a sliced horsebread ratpiss sandwich. But now that the joke is old, you can’t use it anymore. [...]
Words I Hate
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Smoothie
I can’t believe “smoothie” is something you put in your mouth. With all due respect to the delicious diblend s+m, which gives us such wonderful words as “smut” and”smooch” and “smooooth jazz” (as well as BDSM), we can’t forget that from this diblend is also derived the word “smegma”. Call me weird, but I wouldn’t [...]
Sin
Leave it to the Christians to take the fun out of being bad. They could have picked any word at all, even “Quetzalcoatl” or “spork” or “abracadabra” but instead they went with the weakest, least interesting word there ever was. No hard P’s or T’s, not even a nice randy X to stir the loins. It just [...]
Epic
It saddens me to announce the death of the adjectival epic. It seems all you shitheads have had your fill of awesome, and have jumped one step up to epic. Now it’s dead. You killed it. First, if you haven’t already read my post on awesome, please do so now. I hate awesome because it’s overused. [...]
Every Nook and Cranny
What the fuck is a cranny? If you saw a cranny would you know that it was a cranny and scream out, “look everybody! Look at this fabulous cranny! My! What a cranny it is! I’m going to stick my finger into this here cranny and see if porridge comes out!” This is followed by [...]
Kinky
I hate the word “kinky”. It makes me think of desperate married couples searching vainly for a way to “spice up” their sex life. “What about these ‘vibrating nipple clamps’?” “Ooh that’s kinky!” “Yeah? Well we should get these then.” “Oh wow they’re twenty dollars, though!” “Jesus Dora, we’re trying to save our marriage here.” [...]
Patootie
Barf barf barf barf vomit barf puke barf puke throwup barf. You know who you are, people who use the word “patootie”. You’re probably a Mormon or maybe a little league coach who lures children into your dungeon to play video games. Whichever one you are, the world would be better off without you and [...]
It Begs the Question
Look, I’m not one of these cockholes who feels compelled to constantly point out your mistalkage of wordisms, such as how you ignorantly say “it’s not my for-TAY” instead of the proper pronunciation “it’s not my FORT”. (That’s not a joke, by the way. “Forte” should be pronounced like “fort”. It’s Old French, not Italian. [...]
Kerfuffle (Revisited)
I hate kerfuffle so much, I have to post about it a second time. Last year I did a post on this word, and the entirety of the post went as follows: See brouhaha. Then gouge out your eyes. Amazingly, no other word I have posted on has caused such an uproar (commotion, disturbance, furor, row). [...]
Wigger
Last week I accidentally used the word “wigger”. I was describing someone I know who wears baggy clothing and sports jerseys, listens to nothing but hip-hop, and loves basketball. And while fumbling through the lexicon for a proper descriptor, I called him a “wigger” and was instantly embarrassed for myself, because as it turns out, [...]
