My hatred of words is not just limited to specific words or phrases, but also entire lexica. This is, of course, a subjective opinion based only on facts I made up, so if you disagree with me I’ll just make something up to counter your argument.
And just because I hate the Spanish language doesn’t mean I hate Spanish PEOPLE, or Mexicans, or Cubans, or Argentinians, I just hate all the words they speak. And also Roman Catholicism and its followers. That’s all. Kind of a minor thing.
The reason I hate this language is because it sounds like they picked words out of a hat. Take, for example, the word for “woman”, which is “mujer”. If you’re a redneck who can’t read Spanish, I’ll help you out. The closest phonetic approximation of this word is “moo HAIR”. Moo hair. This is how they describe their women. It’s not sexy or feminine, it’s not clever or strong. It’s ridiculous, which is why, in English, those sounds mean something totally different. Because the English language is really well-planned.
Another word I hate in Spanish is “entonces” (pronounced en-TONE-ses). This word means “then”. That’s an important word. It’s how you tell a story. So while the English-speaker has already put his kids to bed and made his way to the basement to do bong hits, the Spanish-speaker is still upstairs saying “entonces” over and over, probably getting sleepier than his kids, who’ve been eating churros all day and are bouncing off the fucking walls. This is why the siesta was invented, because Spanish-speakers get sleepy from talking.
The language is full of basic words that have extra syllables and vowels that add nothing to the meaning. Find an English-to-Spanish translator and type in any English word and the word it returns in Spanish will have as many or more syllables.
small = pequeño
hot = caliente
rain = lluvia
butter = mantequilla
find = encontrar
hat = sombrero
genital warts = las verrugas genitales
diarrhea = chili con carne
Shorter, efficient words also improve survivability. If someone yells “TIRE FIRE!” the English-speakers all run, but you can bet all the Puerto Ricans are dead before anyone can get out “INCENDIO DE NEUMÁTICOS!” This is why Catholics have so many children, to replace all the people who die in tire fires.
It doesn’t help, either, that this language originated in the worst country in the world, Spain. Now I already know what you’re thinking, “how can you hate a country just because they shot your father and stole his burro? He was a pedophile, anyway, and the donkey was a racist and had a bad spine” and I say “is a donkey a racist just for burning ONE CROSS on his neighbor’s lawn? You never saw all the GOOD THINGS that donkey did for black people”.
And you’re probably also thinking “don’t all those extra syllables make Spanish more flamboyant and decorated and beautiful?” It surely does, but language isn’t about beauty, it’s about transmission of ideas. That’s why the British were such good colonists, and the Americans win every war ever and never lose. Not because of superior weapons, but because of ideas. So while the natives are busy saying “entonces” this and “biblioteca” that, the English-speakers have already turned your kids into Protestants and absconded with your oil.
And sure you might point out how that’s idiotic and the Spanish were possibly the most effective and brutal conquerors the world has ever known, but that is because they were able to CONFUSE the natives with their complicated-sounding language. The natives thought the Spanish were gods, who were saying all these complex other-wordly things, when really all they were saying was “give us your land and we’ll kill you with rats and smallpox”.
Help me out here. I have to justify my retarded opinions.
Correction: This article originally made the implication that residents of the Azores speak Spanish, when, in fact, they speak Portuguese. I totally knew that.